Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
two words...techno handjob
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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