Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
