Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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