All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This is my gift to your gina
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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