I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
