we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
