I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
