apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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