bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
