i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
