I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I need to sanitize my soul.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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