D3 body, D1 cock
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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