Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
