So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My balls are so social today.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
