If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she woke up with a sticky ear
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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