You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
two words: eviction party
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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