Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
