The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize