please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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