she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
