Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize