her vagine was all disorganized.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
