Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
she was so not down for the gang bang
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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