She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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