Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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