if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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