is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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