I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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