there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize