My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
