I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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