she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
