I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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