i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize