Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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