I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
