i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't deserve a penis
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
