I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
