we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
