just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
