I have demons in me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
