remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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