do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
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