Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize