Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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