just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
