I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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