I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
