I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
