i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
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