She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
