Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
