i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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