They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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