Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
