is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
