We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
