just tell him i said nine months
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
