Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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