Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
