Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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