I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
