I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize