You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
