apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
