i would punch a child for taco bell
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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