i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
