Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
