I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
