I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
