Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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