Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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