His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
