do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize