A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
