you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
