u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
