Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize