we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
