It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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