also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I forget how to act sober
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
