U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
