Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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