oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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