I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
