mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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