I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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