he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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