The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
