walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
